The Tale of Chris Crink

A Play in Two Halves

Players:
Chris Crink – A Down & Out Voiceover Artist for Art Garfunkel (Blue)
Chris Crink’s Conscience – The Conscience of a Down & Out Voiceover Artist for Art Garfunkel (Red)

Bartering became my life.


It was a quick day and my borrowed sow was opening all manner of doors for me. Am I ready thought Chris. Lunch ensconced itself to mid afternoon and I thought about ending it all but soon realised that in fact I felt quite remarkable and life was smashing. Give it time Chris wait for the right moment!
A brief mapping of my surrounding areas proved useful even going so far as to remind me of what orienteering was and how much I hated compasses. That’s it Chris remember how shit they are. So we were making progress but still the blue skies smiled above me. I wandered about a bit checking out the similarities with myself and the daily routine of Clint Eastwood in the 80’s. Clint Eastwood rhymes with your name Chris, don’t you remember? If that’s coincidence then we’re all in a pickle.
So the man with no name and me. Blood brothers separated at birth hey? Now we’re getting somewhere. I marveled at the warm postcards and the market stalls selling shoe wax and Red Edit. There was a time I’d have paid for all of it, money was no object. I still had loads of open cash and fresh credit, it would have been so simple. Put your money away Chris, you’re a cowboy now. No saddle up show guy or dress down friday is going to help. You can get these things easier by offering lower prices. Go on give it a go…
10 quid for the wax you bastard! 10 quid is all i’ll pay.
No Chris that’s too forceful, you want him to barter. Say it meekly and try and pout your face.
Would you accept £10 sir. I wonder what price you had in mind?
Go Chris you little dream. You stand out like a sore index finger. You are the Superman. You can buy this whole market for whatever price you desire. This is how the Unforgiven climax. Show them all you’ve got Chris, be the waiting ‘Yes’ on their lips. Be the smattering of guys. Be the empty breathing. Be my run away globe.
One pound sir that’s my final offer.


Bartering became my life. Tell him I hate him.

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